


Subtext: I'm sorry, I love you.

by mslilylashes



Series: Mind Palace vignettes [8]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drabble, M/M, POV First Person, The lying detective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mslilylashes/pseuds/mslilylashes
Summary: A bit different than the rest of my drabbles, but the idea came to me over the weekend, and wouldn't let go. Hope you are all staying safe and sane in this world gone mad. Love to you all.Xx lilylashes
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: Mind Palace vignettes [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490777
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Subtext: I'm sorry, I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> A bit different than the rest of my drabbles, but the idea came to me over the weekend, and wouldn't let go. Hope you are all staying safe and sane in this world gone mad. Love to you all.
> 
> Xx lilylashes

He told me once _I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ when you’re speaking, but it’s usually just subtext._

I laughed at the time. He laughed. We laughed.

I thought, maybe… _This is it._

That maybe… Everyone was _wrong._

The doctors who labelled me a _sociopath_.

My peers who called me a _freak_.

My parents and brother who assumed I would always be _alone_.

I thought, maybe… It wasn’t that I was _abnormal,_ it was just that I hadn’t yet found _John Watson_.

I opened my mouth to speak, but what came out was _dinner? Take my card. Heroes don’t exist._

But then Jamie reappeared, all grown up — his childish daring turned to intriguing danger — and I thought… _Never mind._

He threatened John, and I thought… _Never mine_.

Better John be alive and hating me, than dead, and… Whatever it was that might have been.

So, I jumped.

I… Fell.

I fell, because… I _fell_.

And Jamie — Jim — _knew._

And so, I ended him, eradicated every trace of him. It took me two horrible years, and then… I _returned_.

I returned to _John_.

He punched me in the face, but he was never good at understanding subtext.

 _Not dead_ — Subtext: I love you.

 _Just the two of us against the world_ — Subtext: Please love _me_. Still.

 _Human nature_ — Subtext: Why didn’t you wait.

John was…

… Here, but not here.

… Gone, but not gone.

And I thought… _If the only way you will be happy is if I protect your happiness with another person, then I will. Because… I fell._

And then… She died. And John went cold. And I deserved it.

So when she haunted me — gave me marching orders into hell — I knew what needed to be done.

He punched me in the face.

 _He’s entitled._ Subtext — I know I deserve this.

 _I killed his wife._ Subtext — Forgive me.

And here, at the eleventh hour, I am sat in this bed, staring at his walking stick, just out of reach from my hospital bed, and I’m thinking… _How very far we’ve come. I hope he comes. I hope he doesn’t come._

I open my mouth to speak, but what comes out is _I don’t want to die_.

Subtext — I don’t want to die _alone_.

Smith places his hand over my mouth and nose, and the world goes dark around the edges.

And I… I am no longer afraid.


End file.
